but no one asks me to dance!
Marshall Art Studios - David M
Really? Were you expecting them to?
To start with, male or female, don’t attend a dance social with the slightest expectation of being asked to dance. Assume it’s not going to happen. You are in charge of everything.
This is a great opportunity to change your thinking and empower yourself as a dancer by asking some yourself these simple questions:
1. Am I doing the best I can to improve myself as a lead or follow? What have I improved over the last week?
Are you dancing the same way you did two months or two years ago? Follows, simply because it’s the lead’s “job” to make you look good, doesn’t mean you can go out there with weak technique!
If I go out swing dancing, the serious dancers won’t be lining up to dance with me. It’s for a reason. Like a courtship, people are watching how you dance the moment you come in, gauging your ‘suitability’ for a partner dance.
Don’t selfishly assume that what you know is good enough. If you can’t attend training, give yourself a class in your living room. Or simply make improvement a priority and take little steps to get better. Call me Captain obvious, but the better you are, the more they will want to dance with you.
And if you are not willing to do any of the above, be reasonable about how many people you expect to want to dance with you.
2. Am I doing all that I can to look my best?
People are motivated by beauty. And so are you. Play the human psychology game, and put your best face forward. This is not about pleasing them. You owe it to yourself to look and feel great.
Diet, exercise, meditation, the whole nine yards. Do your BEST. Treat yourself like the special person you are. And others will follow suit.
3. Don’t always assume the worst and don’t put stock into whether or not people dance with you.
People say ‘no’ for various reasons. Trying to understand why they won’t dance with you is fruitless and takes away your power to improve yourself. Forget about it.
4. Stop. Think about your facial expressions. What are they?
When you enter a social, and no one asks you to dance, do you get an ugly face? Well, that’s a sure fire way to repel potential partners.
In summary, it’s all about you. Maximize your dance, attitude and physical appearance. And once people are lining up to dance with you, remember where you came from.
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- how can we make our dance classes better?
- But I couldn’t find a partner who could dance X style..
- salsa magic on YouTube
- social salsa
And just for the record, if you turn down someone for a dance, it should be for a really really good reason.
All of the above take nothing away from the responsibility of each dancer to contribute good vibes to the social dance floor.
I believe that you should give everyone a chance regardless of their ability.
But again, if you are the one looking, never count on any one being ‘gracious’.
Good points Eduardo. There is a lot of psychology that goes into the dancing. Early on I was really hurt when I wasn’t being asked to dance or I was being turned down. I still am sometimes to be honest. I try my best to present well, improve, and have a positive attitude. Sometimes several songs without a dance partner can make me feel bad but I try to overcome it. I have also had to learn to ask people to dance which many women don’t want to do and as a result don’t get to dance much. With so few leads out there it’s a little competitive and if you don’t put yourself out there you get left holding up the wall.
Additionally, several bad dances (whether I’m the one doing a bad job, the lead is bad or we are bad together) can really suck. I just have to realize that it doesn’t mean I’m all bad, but maybe I’m just having an off night or the vibe isn’t good for me. There are so many factors that influence the dance experience, from how you look and feel to the music, the mood of the other dancers, and your dance partners.
At the end of every dance I make an effort (no matter what the experience or outcome of the dance was) to thank my partner for the dance. Every dance provides an opportunity to learn and grow as a dancer and I appreciate every dance partner I have.
And still, more of you leads need to get out there to dance. The follows (mostly ladies) are fighting over the ones who are out there and you guys have some things to learn outside of the dance studio just like follows.